比如画画或随便什么事 I think every time you do something like a painting or whatever,
你... you...
你有些想法 you go with ideas.
而有时往昔时光，能够映入这些想法并给它们填上色彩 And sometimes the past can conjure those ideas and color them.
即便这是些新想法，旧时光给它们上色 Even if they're new ideas, the past colors them.
大卫·林奇：艺术人生
我出生在蒙大拿州的米苏拉市。 I was born in Missoula, Montana.
我父母有座房子，在爱达荷州的桑德珀恩特， Then my parents got a house in Sandpoint, Idaho,
我在那住过两年。 and I lived there for two years.
因此我记得爱达荷州的桑德珀恩特。 So, I remember Sandpoint, Idaho.
小迪基·史密斯，我的小伙伴， Little Dickie Smith, my friend,
他和我 he and I
坐在这棵树下的小水坑里。 sat in a mud puddle under this tree.
我妈挖了一个洞，也许是我爸， My mother dug a hole, or my dad did,
这样我们就能在大热天这么坐着， that we could sit in in the hot weather,
他们就把洞灌满水，知道吗，水从软管里出来， and they'd fill it with, you know, water from the hose,
我们就坐在小水坑里。 and we'd sit in this mud puddle.
真是太惬意了。 It was so beautiful.
于是我挤着泥巴，和我的小伙伴坐在一起 And you get to squeeze mud and sit with your friend
在这棵树的阴影下？ under the shade of this tree?
忘了。 Forget it.
然后他们就搬到 And then they moved to Spokane, Washington.
那段日子， In those days,
我的世界非常、非常小。 my world was very, very small.
从这个杂货店开始 It extended up to this grocery store in one direction
到一个朋友家的房子为止， and down to a friend's house,
那也就好像隔着两栋房子。 which was, like, two houses down.
另一个方向 And then the other direction
到我朋友鲍比家那儿为止。 down to my friend Bobby's house.
大多数时候，我们整天都在外面玩 Mostly, we played outdoors all day
我们自制了手枪 and we made our own guns
然后我们玩打仗游戏。 and we would play war.
我会画一些步枪和手枪 And I would draw rifles and pistols
还有飞机和小刀 and airplanes and knives and things like that
因为战争 'cause the war was still kind of freshly over
你知道，我们都以某种方式全情投入进去了。 and, you know, somehow we all got into it.
【好莱坞山】
【大卫·林奇和她的女儿鲁拉】
因为我总是在画，我妈妈 Because I was always drawing, my mother did...
她做了件最伟大的事情，最伟大的事之一。 This is the greatest thing she did. One of the greatest things.
她拒绝 She refused
从不给我买涂色簿。 to ever have me have coloring books.
她也不买给我弟弟和姐姐 She did not do that for my brother or my sister.
这样的话，她才能看到一件真正出色的作品 Somehow, a really beautiful thing came to her
而那些涂色簿会是有局限性的... that those would be restrictive...
并且会扼杀某种创造力。 and kill some kind of creativity.
她从不说... And she did not...
任何低级庸俗的笑话。 ever tell any off-color jokes.
【“阳光” 艾文娜·林奇】
她全力反对任何种族主义。 She was totally against any racism.
她信教， She was religious, but not preachy about it.
她是个...人们所说的... She was a, what you call, a very warm and good person.
但她并不感情外露。 But she wasn't demonstrative.
她不会捧着你的脸颊 She wouldn't grab your cheeks and kiss you.
一百万年都不会。 Not in a million years.
但你知道她爱你 But you knew that she loved you
想把她最好的都给你 and wanted the best for you
期望你 and expected you to, uh, live in a certain proper way.
我从未听见过我父母 I never heard my parents argue ever
为某事吵架。 about anything.
他们和睦相处就像艾克和迈克的故事。 They got along like Ike and Mike.
超级欢乐大家庭。 Super happy household.
你知道，当我回首往事， You know, as I look back, I didn't think anything of it,
但我确实获得了极大的自由。 but I had tremendous freedom.
没人指手画脚。 Nobody was overbearing.
这就好比是一个爱的基石， It was as if there was just a foundation of love,
那么，当我们成长时， and off we went, you know,
就都有了自己的方向。 each in our own direction.
一个晚上， One night,
我有种某种感觉 I kind of have the feeling
那是秋天，已经很晚了。 it was in the fall and it was pretty late.
通常，我爸会走到外面 Usually, my father would go outside
大喊， and yell,
“约翰？”“大卫？” "John? David?"
那样就会把我们叫回家。 And that would bring us home.
但这个晚上，却不是这样， But this night, it must've been,
我不知道，临到那个时候。 I don't know, close to that time.
天好像真的很晚了。 It seemed to be pretty late.
我不知道我们那会在做什么， I don't know what we were doing,
只记得越过肖肖尼大道... but from across Shoshoni Avenue...
从一片漆黑之中 out of the darkness
走出一个... comes this...
像是，嗯，像一个最奇怪的梦。 like, uh, kind of like a strangest dream.
因为我以往从未见过一个裸体的成年女人。 Because I've never seen an adult woman naked.
她有着美丽、苍白的皮肤... And she had beautiful, pale, white skin...
并且全身赤裸。 and she was completely naked.
我想她的嘴出血了。 And I think her mouth was bloodied.
而她有些奇怪的走来... And she kind of came strangely...
迈着奇异的步子穿过肖肖尼街 walking strangely across Shoshoni
走上公园环道。 and came into Park Circle Drive.
看上去...她差不多像个巨人。 And it seemed like she was sort of like a giant.
她越来越近， And she came closer and closer,
我弟弟哭了起来。 and my brother started to cry.
她一定经历了什么不好的事情。 Something was bad wrong with her.
我不知道发生了什么，但我想她应该是在马路边坐了下来，哭泣。 And I don't know what happened, but I think she sat down on a curb, crying.
这真的很神秘， But it was very mysterious,
就像我们看到了某种超自然的事情。 like we were seeing something otherworldly.
我想为她做点什么， And I wanted to do something for her,
但我是个小孩。 but I was little.
我不知道该做什么。 I didn't know what to do.
然后我就不记得更多了。 And I don't remember any more than that.
就像我说的，可能，我的世界不过 Like I said, maybe, you know, my world was no bigger
几个街区的范围... than a couple of blocks...
直到高中以后。 up until high school.
真的不超过几个街区。 Really no bigger than a few blocks.
那就是为什么我说巨大的世界 And that's why I say huge worlds
在里面，你知道，那两个街区。 are in, you know, those two blocks.
巨大的。 Huge.
一切都在里面。 Everything's there.
一切。 Everything.
你可以住在一个地方却拥有一切。 And you could live in one place and have everything.
我们离开博伊西（爱达荷州首府）的前夜... The night before we left Boise...
那是个夏日夜晚， it was a summer night,
但不是，嗯， but it wasn't, uh,
不是一个愉快的夏夜。 a joyful summer night.
有一块三角形的草地在我们家与史密斯家之间。 There's a triangle of grass between our house and the Smiths' house.
在三角形的底部，有一棵树。 And at the base of the triangle, there's a tree.
而...我必须说再见了，和每一个人。 And... I must have said good-bye to everybody.
整个家庭都站在那里。我爸站在那里。 The whole family was out there. My dad was out there.
我想我的兄弟姐妹也站在那里。 I think my brother and sister were out there.
我不知道是否我妈也在那里。 I don't know if my mom was there.
她可能刚刚进屋了。 She might've been just inside the house.
史密斯一家全出来了。 And the Smiths were all out.
我们就那样站在那里。 We were just out there.
史密斯先生走出来。 And Mr. Smith came out.
然后... And...
我讲不出这个故事。 I can't tell the story.
我只是...我从未和史密斯先生说过话... I just... I never talk to Mr. Smith...
几乎从来不说... hardly ever...
但，孩子... but, boy...
于是我们就去了弗吉尼亚， Then we went to Virginia,
在我开学那天， and the day I started school,
刮了一场超强的飓风。 there was a huge hurricane.
雨落了下来。你几乎无法看清学校， And the rain was coming down. You couldn't hardly see the school.
就像，大黑天。那场风暴，真的猛烈。 It was, like, dark almost. It was so thick, this storm.
有两个人上学来了... There were two other guys starting school...
那两个人成了我朋友， and those two guys became my friends,
但... but...
他们不是我该交的朋友。 they were not the friends I should've had.
瞧，爱达荷的博伊西... See, Boise, Idaho...
就像是阳光... seemed like sunshine...
绿草，打麦坪... green grass, mowed lawns.
那样让人心情舒畅的地方。 Such a cheerful place.
那么好的一个地方。 Such a great place.
弗吉尼亚就像永远在黑夜里。 Virginia seemed like always night.
而且... And...
我得了肠痉挛症。 I developed spasms of the intestines.
我...整个人就乱了。 I was... It was total turmoil.
我抽上了香烟... I was smoking cigarettes...
呃，去跳舞俱乐部喝酒... uh, going into DC and drinking...
在晚上偷偷溜出屋子。 and sneaking out of the house at night.
那就，嗯... It was, um...
就像...差不多就像...我不能... It was like... It was almost like... I couldn't...
控制自己，你懂吗？ control it, you know?
那就是...那就是发生在我身上的情况。 It just... It just was what was happening.
我妈 My mother's
对我说的最多的话 main saying to me a lot
就是，“我对你非常失望”。 was, "I'm very disappointed in you."
我真的非常忙... I was real busy...
没法做她想要的， not doing what she wanted,
特别是到了九年级的时候。 especially when I was in the ninth grade.
我结识了一伙人，惹了一堆麻烦， I got in with a bad bunch and got into a lot of trouble,
但我...我真的是生活在地狱里。 but I... I was really living in hell.
我不得不活在两个不同的世界里， I had to live two different lives,
我总是感到 and I always felt
她觉得... that she thought...
我不知道为什么她这样想， And I don't know why she thought this,
我也不知道我该怎么做到， and I don't know where this thing came in,
但我有种感觉 but I had the feeling
她觉得 she thought
我身上有某种非常好的东西，就像一种深藏的潜能。 I had something really good in me, you know, like a high potential.
正是由于这个原因她才会说我对你很失望， So the reason that she would say she was disappointed in me
在她不曾看到这种东西的时候。 is when she didn't see that thing.
不是成为艺术家，而是与之类似的某种东西。 Not as an artist, but like just some kind of thing.
我不知道她是怎么认识到这一点的， I don't know where she latched onto that,
但我一直让她有些失望。 but I kept kind of letting her down.
我从不学习。 I never studied.
我不做任何事。 I never did anything.
我是那么讨厌它。 I hated it so much.
我讨厌它，如同有深仇大恨。 I hated it, like, with powerful hate.
只有一件事是重要的，那发生在校外， The only thing that was important is what happened outside of school,
那对我造成了巨大影响。 and that had huge impact on me.
人群和男女关系， People and relationships,
慢舞派对， slow-dancing parties,
满满的爱欲 big, big love
和梦。 and dreams.
黑暗、奇幻的梦。 Dark, fantastic dreams.
不可思议的时光。 Incredible time.
我有一个女朋友叫琳达·斯泰尔斯。 I had a girlfriend named Linda Styles.
某个晚上... And one night...
大概9点半或10点。 And it was about 9:30 or 10:00.
某次我在琳达家...门前的草坪上 Somehow I was on the front lawn of Linda Styles' house
遇到了这小子，托比·基勒， and I'm meeting this kid, Toby Keeler,
他没上哈蒙德高级中学。 who didn't go to Hammond High School.
他上了私立学校。 He went to private school.
托比告诉我他爸爸是个画家， And Toby told me his father was a painter,
然后，你知道，像是某种领悟 and that, you know, kind of realization
就是你也能成为一个画家 that you could be a painter
砰的一声...知道吗...豁然贯通。 popped... You know... blew all the wiring.
那就是我想要的，从那一刻起。 And that's what I wanted to do from that second.
所以我央求他带我去他爸爸的工作室。 So I begged him to take me to his father's studio.
那个时候，布什内尔·基勒在乔治城有一间工作室。 And at that time, Bushnell Keeler had a studio in Georgetown.
而我实际上只去看过一次，就是接下来的周末。 And I only actually saw it once, that next weekend.
我去了...托比带着我，把我介绍给他爸爸。 I went... Toby took me, introduced me to his father.
我看了他的工作室。 And I saw his studio.
那是一个很古典的工作室。 And it was the classic studio.
我的意思是，它那么漂亮。 I mean, it was so beautiful.
布什内尔真会布置一间工作室。 Bushnell could really set up a studio.
嗯，布置了很多区，比如，素描和油画 Um, many areas set up for, like, drawing and for painting
还有不同的其他门类。 and for different kind of experiments.
呃，就是 And, uh, it was just
你会称为之，那就是，艺术生活， what you would call, you know, the art life,
知道么，就在你眼前。 you know, right before your eyes.
我不知道什么时候我开始使用“艺术生活”这个说法， I don't know when I started using the term 'The art life',
但这正是布什内尔所做的，而且，呃，成为一名画家 but one of the things Bushnell did besides, uh, just being a painter
生活在其中...象个画家一样生活。 and living it... Living life as a painter.
他给了我罗伯特·亨利的书《艺术的精神》。 He gave me the Robert Henri book, The Art Spirit.
我喜欢那本书。 And I loved that book.
我现在不记得太多了， I can't remember much of it now,
但我...我们过去经常随身带着它 but I... we used to carry it around
艺术的精神某种意义上变成了艺术生活 and The Art Spirit sort of became the art life
我带着这种想法，无论是喝咖啡， and I had this idea that you drink coffee,
抽香烟还是画画的时候。 you smoke cigarettes and you paint.
就是那样。 And that's it.
也许女人能带来那么一点点 Maybe girls come into a little bit
但基本上来说， but basically,
那才是不可思议的幸福感 it's the incredible happiness
在其中工作，和过那样的生活。 of working and living that life.
我们移居到弗吉尼亚，首要原因是 The reason we moved to Virginia in the first place
我爸得到了，呃，升迁， is my dad got, uh, promoted,
嗯，基本上算是个办公室职位，在华盛顿特区。 um, basically to a desk job in Washington, DC.
所以我么住到弗吉尼亚的亚历山德里亚， So we lived in Alexandria, Virginia,
我爸爸... and my father...
不再乘坐公共汽车，或开车去工作， instead of taking a bus or driving to work,
很多时候，穿着他的林业局制服 would, many days, wear his forest service uniform
戴着一个宽边牛仔帽... and a ten-gallon cowboy hat...
走出前门，走着去华盛顿特区。 and walk out the front door and walk into DC.
对我来说这太老土了... It was so uncool to me...
呃，看他穿成这样动身，牛仔帽和那套制服。 uh, to see him going off in this, uh, cowboy hat and this uniform.
但是回过头看，那种事总是发生在孩子的想法里， But then later, as it always happens with kids,
呃，现在回想起来，那似乎是非常酷的。 uh, now it seems, uh, supercool.
你知道，他就是他自己那么个人。 And he was his own guy, you know.
他才不在乎身旁会发生什么。 He didn't give a shit about what was going on.
这就是他那样一个人。 This was what he was.
由于我爸在一个农场长大， Since my father grew up on a ranch,
你不得不... and you had to...
如果什么东西坏了，你就必须修好它。 if something's broke, you have to fix it.
我们也总是在建造一些东西。 And we were always building things.
总是规划。 Always projects.
总是在周末工作，一件又另一件事。 Always, you know, working on one thing or another on the weekends.
所以某种程度上这印在你脑子里 So this kind of goes into your brain
那就是如果你能完成这些工作，你就会得到快乐。 that you can do these things, and they're fun.
这让所有这些工作变得非常快乐。 It made all this work really fun.
他是一个，呃，一个科学研究者。 And he was, uh, a research scientist.
意思是，他深入观察很多东西。 Meaning, he was, uh, looking into things.
很多很多...东西， There's a lot of... things,
比如当你钉住一个甲虫， like when you punch a pin into a bug,
它有着不可思议的构造 there's incredible textures
即便是个小甲虫。 just to a little bug.
不可思议的昆虫的腿， Incredible legs on insects,
和翅膀 and wings
和内脏。 and innards.
难以置信。 It's unbelievable.
我想拥有一个工作室，在布什内尔的工作室里， I wanted to get a studio in Bushnell's studio,
他租了一个房间给我。 a room he was renting me.
我记得是一个月40美分。 I think it was 40 bucks a month.
而我爸，上帝保佑他，他说他会付一半如果我付另一半的话。 And my father, bless his heart, said he would pay half if I paid half.
所以我在赫利的杂药店里找了份工作 So I got a job at Hurley's Drugstore
在晚上送处方。 delivering prescriptions at night.
一次我在白天走进药店， One time I came in during the daytime,
我走到饮料机那里取一杯可乐。 and I went to the soda fountain to get a Coke.
杰克·费斯克是个冷饮售货。 And Jack Fisk was the soda jerk.
这时他说，“我听说你有个工作室”。 And so he said, 'I hear you have a studio."
我说，“是啊”。 And I said, "Yeah."
他说，“你希望和别人一起分租那间工作室吗？” He said, "Uh, you want somebody else to share the rent with that?"
于是很快的，杰克也开始画画，所有时间都和我待在那儿， Then pretty soon, Jack was painting all the time down there with me,
而那房子太小了。 and it was too small.
所以杰克和我弄了三间各不相同的工作室。 So then Jack and I got three more different studios.
这时我知道，呃，我的东西糟透了。 And I knew, uh, my stuff sucked.
但我需要去参透... But I needed to burn through...
我需要找到什么才是我的东西。 I needed to find what was mine.
而找到它的唯一办法就是 And the only way to find it
不断的画啊，画啊 is just to keep painting and keep painting
画啊 and keep painting
看看我能不能抓住点什么。 and see if you catch something.
我爸希望我放学后在晚上11点回家。 My father wanted me home at 11:00 on school nights.
我不想在11点就回来。 I didn't wanna come home at 11:00.
心里只想着画画。 All I wanted to do was paint.
所以我们大吵了一架。 So we had a big fight.
我们从未吵过架。 And we never had fights.
但在这个特殊时刻，真的糟透了。 But this particular time, it was really bad.
我记得，似乎很可怕。 And I remember, like, you know, it was terrible.
我说我想在外面待到超过11点， And I said I wanted to stay out later than 11:00,
我可能是这么说的，“嗯，我准备在外面待到11点以后”。 and I might have said something like, 'well, I'm going to stay out later than 11:00."
我爸爸就说，“好， And my father said, "fine,
那你就不再是这个家里的一分子了”。 you are no longer a member of this family."
随后他拂袖而去 And he just left the room.
而这给我很大打击，就像一记要命的重拳。 And this hit me like a, you know, sucker punch.
你知道，真的是这样。 You know, just really.
我起身去我的房间。 And I went up to my room.
我记得我那时就觉得，整个世界一片荒芜。 And I remember I just was, like, you know, devastated.
但后来布什内尔打电话给我爸。 But then Bushnell called my father.
因为我跟他解释了情况。 'Cause I explained to him, you know, what it was.
他对我爸爸说... And he said to my father...
他说，“我不想干涉您的任何事情， He said, "I don't wanna interfere with any of your business,
但我想让你知道每一天， but I would like to let you know that every day,
大卫每天来这儿都在画画。 David comes down here and is painting.
他没有到处瞎混。 He's not goofing around.
我希望我儿子能象他那样有自己爱做的事， And I wish my son had something that he loved to do
并象他那样做事。 and, you know, was working like this.
我觉得重要的是你要明白他真的很在乎这个， I just think it's important that you know he's real serious about this
并且他非常非常的努力”。 and he's really working."
这些话对我爸非常奏效。 And so this went a long way with my dad.
我认为经过那次，我就可以在任何我想要的时间回家了， And I think after that, I could come home any time I wanted,
真是太棒了。 and it was totally cool.
世上真的不可能再有比他更好的父亲。 You really couldn't ask for a better father.
他内心没有任何的歪门邪道。 He didn't have any kind of deviousness in him.
他干净纯粹 He was really pure
他极其公正， and he was super fair,
就是天生的诚实和公正。 just naturally honest and fair.
无论何时我想要做什么，他的第一反应是， Whenever I wanted anything, his first thing was,
“在半路等我” "meet me halfway."
于是我不得不做某件事情，而他也会做这件事。 I'd have to do something, and he would do something.
嗯，我确实认为 And I just, um, saw that
这是难能可贵的。 as a super good, you know, thing.
我会在他的帮助下得到我想要的， I would be able to get what I wanted with his help,
但我也不得不去做这件事。 but I had to do something too.
准备好了吗？ Are you ready?
哦，妈的 Oh, shit.
操 Oh, fuck.
去她娘的 Oh, you motherfucker.
在十年级的时候，阳光终于回来了。 In the tenth grade, the sunshine starts coming back.
那时我结识了一大帮不同的朋友， Then I made a whole bunch of different friends,
开始有了一个好的转变。 and that started a good turn.
现在，所有这些新朋友，我们也会整天泡在夜店里， Now, all those new friends, we would go into DC all the time,
那那不再是同样的黑暗狂欢， but it wasn't the same dark vibe,
所以我还继续活着。就像，也许现在我有了三种生活， so I still was living, like, maybe three lives now
因为我有这些朋友，我要和他们一起做些事情， because I had those friends and I would do stuff with them,
我有我的家庭生活，我要在家里做些事情， I had my home life and would do stuff there,
此外，呃，我还有工作室。 and then I had the, uh, studio.
所以你用一种方式做事、说话和思考 So you act and speak and think one way
在这个环境里， in this environment,
然后你做事、说话和思考又在另一个完全不同的环境里。 then you act and speak and think in this other environment totally different.
然后又在另一个环境里用另外的方式做、说和想。 And then another way of acting and speaking and thinking in the other one.
举个例子，我女朋友，她是个漂亮、有活力的， For instance, my girlfriend, who was a beautiful, wholesome,
非常好的人， wonderful person,
我从没把她带回家过。 I never brought her home.
我从不带任何朋友回家，尽量不带。 I never brought any friends home, if I could help it.
我把这些事情绝对分开。 And I kept things very separate.
我也不想我的父母去我的毕业典礼， And I did not want my parents to go to my graduation,
但总而言之他们还是去了。 but they went anyway.
我只是，嗯，害怕有什么事情会穿帮 I just, um, was afraid of what would come out
如果所有人都聚在一起的话。 if everybody got together.
出于某些原因， For some reason,
我一直喜欢去波士顿的想法。 I always liked the idea of going to Boston.
那里听上去象是个好地方。 And it just sounded like, uh, a good place.
我爸帮我把所有东西都搬进去， And my father helped me move everything in,
然后他带我去超市， and then he took me to the supermarket,
我们买了一大堆东西 and we stocked up on a lot of stuff
带回到公寓里。 and brought it back to the apartment.
然后我和我爸走出去 And then I walked out with my dad
在街头和他说再见 and said good-bye to him on the street
看他驾车离开。 and watched him drive off.
然后我回到我的公寓。 Then I went back in my apartment.
我从不离开。 And I never left.
那是开学前两个星期。 It was two weeks before school.
我有一台晶体管收音机， I had a transistor radio,
于是有时我听音乐， so I sometimes listened to music,
而我就住在了椅子里。 but I ended up sitting in a chair.
我唯一从椅子里起身的时间 And the only time I got out of the chair
就是，呃，撒尿和吃东西。 was to, uh, pee or eat.
收音机的电池不断消耗又消耗 And the batteries went down and down on the radio,
所以我只能把它举到耳朵边来听， so I had to hold it to my ear to hear it,
到后来就变成一片死寂。 and then it went dead.
因此我基本上无法做任何事情 And so I was just basically really unable to do anything
真的无法离开那间公寓。 and definitely unable to leave the apartment.
我要说我是鼓起所有勇气 And I say it took all my strength
在开学那天去了学校。 to go to school the first day.
那是某种我必须经受的事，我想。 So, it was something I needed to go through, I guess.
但我还是...嗯...宁愿待在家里。 But I still, um, would much rather stay at home.
有一种，呃，与生俱来的， And there is, uh, always, um,
对外出的心理恐惧。 nervousness of going out.
再见，玛丽。 See you, Mary.
我很少出门。 I don't get out much.
走吧。 Come on.
我爸爸，呃，告诉我，我应该把这个地方收拾一下， My father, uh, told me, you know, I could get this place,
但我不得不去找个室友， but I had to take a roommate,
后来我的室友是彼得·伍尔夫 and my roommate later turned out to be Peter Wolf
J. 吉尔乐队的成员。 of the J. Geils Band.
他是个了不起的音乐家。 He's a great musician.
他精通蓝调音乐。 And he knows the blues.
但他永远都不会去举起一把刷子。 But he didn't ever lift a brush.
第一天晚上，有一个，嗯， And the first night, there was, um,
另一个叫彼得的，他有辆皮卡， another guy named Peter who had a pickup truck.
我们三个人坐进他的皮卡 And the three of us, uh, got in his pickup truck
开回纽约的布鲁克林 and drove back down to, uh, New York City, in Brooklyn.
在旅途中 And it was on that trip
我第一次抽了，呃，大麻， that I smoked, um, marijuana for the first time.
然后轮到我开车。 And then it was my turn to drive.
于是我在高速公路上开着车 So I was driving on a freeway
很快我听到，“大卫”？ and pretty soon I hear, "David?"
我说，“什么”？ And I said, "what?"
他们说，“大卫”。 And they said, "David."
我说，“什么”？ I said, "what?"
“大卫”！ "David!"
“你把车停在高速公路上了，伙计”。 "You stopped on the freeway, man."
原来我把车停在... And I had stopped right in the...
不是右道，而是路中间。 Not the right lane, but in the middle.
因为我看着这些白线 'Cause I was watching these white lines
车越来越慢，越来越慢，就像在做梦。 and then it got slower and slower, it was such a dream.
后来一次我抽大麻... And the next time I smoked dope...
呃，鲍勃·迪伦正在演奏，知道么， uh, Bob Dylan was playing, you know,
在街头一个挺大的地方。 at this big place right down the street.
瞧，看呀， And so, lo and behold,
成千上万的人在里面， out of thousands of people in this, you know,
大礼堂之类的地方，观众席是很陡的斜坡。 auditorium kind of thing which was real steep.
我一直往后走。 I was way in the back.
走过所有这些座位，当我坐下来， Out of all those seats, when I sat down,
有个姑娘正好坐在我旁边，那会我刚刚跟女朋友分手。 there was this girl sitting next to me that I'd just broken up with.
然后鲍勃·迪伦上台了， Then Bob Dylan came out on the stage
我简直不敢相信他有多渺小。 and I couldn't believe how little he was.
我把手指放在膝盖上丈量他， And I measured him with my fingers on my knee,
对她说，“他的上衣只有这么一点大”， and I said to her, 'his jeans are only this big."
然后我量了他的吉他说，“他的吉他只有这么点大”。 And then I measured his guitar and I says, "his guitar is only this big."
我根本不喜欢那些音乐，隔着太远了。 And I wasn't even digging the music, it was so far away.
因此我想从那个鬼地方出去。 So I wanted to get out of there really bad.
当音乐会结束的时候，彼得和他一大帮朋友回来， Then when the concert was over, Peter came back with a bunch of his friends.
他说，“没人会在迪伦音乐会上退席”。 He said, "nobody walks out on Dylan."
我说，“我退席了。从我这滚出去！” I said, "I walk out on Dylan. Get the fuck out of here."
于是，嗯，这和彼得的室友关系从此结束了。 And, um, so that was the end of Peter as my roomie.
我只是不想去， I just didn't wanna be,
你知道，这世界上的任何地方。 you know, anywhere in this world.
这里，你知道，现在成了我的世界。 It was, you know, now my world.
我讨厌波士顿。 I hated Boston.
波士顿博物馆学院就像是... Boston Museum School was kind of like...
对我来说就像回到了高中。 to me like going back to high school.
我不喜欢那幢建筑里的任何东西，除了雕刻部。 I didn't like anything inside that building except the sculpture department.
他们什么都不干，除了让我做那些练习。 They don't do anything except make you do these exercises.
那就是做苦工。 And it's just drudgery.
他们希望将这些练习作为一种确定的方法， And they want the exercises to be a certain way,
如果你的方法不是那种方法， and if your way isn't that way,
你就会，知道么...你就会从艺术学校退学。 you're just gonna, you know... You're gonna flunk out of art school.
真是笑话。 It's a joke.
那样就没有孩子认真对待绘画。 And then no kids were serious about painting.
因此，某种程度上就象荒废了一年 So, it was just, uh, a kind of a waste of a year,
于是我逃学。 and I quit going to school.
后来我收到杰克的信。他厌倦了库柏联合学院。 And then I heard from Jack. He was fed up with Cooper Union.
我更厌倦波士顿博物馆学院。 I was more than fed up with Boston Museum School.
我们决定我们要去欧洲。 And we decided we're gonna go to Europe.
为此，我们开始制订计划， So, we started making plans,
我们发现了这个人，奥斯卡·科柯施卡， and we found out this guy, Oskar Kokoschka,
在奥地利的萨尔茨堡开了这门课。 had this class in Salzburg, Austria.
于是我们决定去那里上学。 So we decided we were gonna go do that.
但那似乎，甚至都算不得半生不熟的想法， But it was, like, not even half-baked, these ideas.
所以我们准备去那待三年， So we were gonna go for three years.
但... And...
我们15天就回来了， But we came back in 15 days.
所以杰克真是我最好的朋友。 So Jack was, really, my best friend.
但当杰克和我从欧洲回来， But when Jack and I came back from Europe,
我们有了一次非常严重的争吵。 we had a pretty big falling out.
接下来我听说他上了宾夕法尼亚艺术学院， Next thing I hear is he's up at the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts,
那使我真心为他感到高兴。 which made me really happy for him.
但...布什内尔 But... Bushnell
还有其他一些画家在那个地区... and some of the painters in that area...
我会去布什内尔那里，每天跟他喝咖啡。 I would go to Bushnell's and have coffee with him, you know, every day.
所以他有了这个主意，他说， And so he got this idea that he said,
“让我们都冷落大卫。 "Let's all snub David.
让我们把他的生活弄得很悲惨。 Let's make life miserable for him.
那或许他就会回学校念书”。 And then maybe he'll wanna go back to school."
那就是他们所做的。我到了那儿，他们几乎不和我说话。 And that's what they did. I'd go over there, they'd hardly talk to me.
我就经历着这样奇怪的感觉， And I just, I'd get this strange feeling,
而杰克告诉我他过得多么好。 and Jack telling me how good it was.
一天，我说，“布什，我觉得我应该...回学校上课”。 One day, I said, "Bush, I think I'm gonna go to... back to school."
他就说，“好啊，对你来说这很好”。 And he said, "well, bully for you."
他秘密给学校写了一封信， He wrote a letter, secretly, to the school,
一封强力举荐我的信... a really powerful letter on my...
我直到后来才知道这回事。 I did never know about it till way later.
当我去那儿上学的时候， When I went up there to school,
他们不仅仅接受了我， they not only accepted me,
还把我放到高级班。 but they put me in advanced classes.
我没有为之做任何事情。 And it wasn't anything to do with my work.
全是布什内尔做的。 It was Bushnell doing it.
这太伟大了。 It was great.
首先，是的，我想去那儿， First of all, yeah, I wanted to go up there
因为杰克说那儿很棒。 'cause Jack said it was good.
但费城是这个世界上我最不想去的几个地方之一。 But Philadelphia was one of the last places in the world I ever wanted to go.
费城的某些方面我不太喜欢。 There's something about Philadelphia that I didn't like,
因此等我到了那儿... and so when I got...
我忘了公共汽车经过的路，但你还不在费城， I forget the way the bus goes, but you're not in Philadelphia,
然后你穿过一座桥， and then you go across a bridge
那桥带你通往费城， and that bridge takes you.
在桥上，我一直在说， So, on the bridge, I was saying,
“我不在费城，我不在费城，我不在费城”。 "I'm not in Philadelphia, I'm not in Philadelphia, I'm not in Philadelphia."
然后我走到桥中央，我说， Then I got halfway over the bridge and I said,
“我在费城，我在费城”。 "I'm in Philadelphia, I'm in Philadelphia."
我只是不愿相信。 And I just couldn't believe it.
【宾夕法尼亚艺术学院学生威廉·布朗拍摄的照片】
费城... Philadelphia...
某种意义上是穷人的纽约。 was kind of a poor man's New York City.
所以它是个怪异的城市。 So it was a weird town.
它是某种破旧的城镇。 It was a kind of a mean town.
一个女人，她是我邻居。 One woman, who was my neighbor,
散发着尿骚味。 reeked of urine.
她是一个十足的种族主义者。 And she was a complete racist.
还有另外一个女人， There was another woman
她完全疯了。 who was totally crazy.
她是一个邻居，和她父母住在街那头。 She was a neighbor, lived down the street with her parents.
她会在后院里四处爬， And she would go around the backyard on her hands and knees
并且象只鸡那样大声叫， and squawk like a chicken
一边说着，“我是一只鸡，我是一只鸡”， and say, "I'm a chicken, I'm a chicken"
一边叫啊，叫啊， and squawk and squawk
爬啊，爬啊，在她们家后院的草地上。 and go around and around in this tall white grass in her backyard.
有天她在街上向我走来... She came up to me one day on the street...
她说，“哦，我的奶头受伤了！” and she said, "Oh, my nipples hurt!"
她挤着她的乳房 And she was squeezing her breast and
站在我面前，挤着并抖动着... standing in front of me, squeezing 'em and shaking 'em...
“我的奶头受伤了！” "my nipples hurt!"
就是那样一个人，在那儿， Then there is, uh, that person I walked by, you know,
去杂货店买点香烟或什么东西。 going to the store to get some smokes or something.
我走到街那头。 I'm walking down the street.
有一个很不错的女人和她的小宝宝... There's a very nice lady with her little boy...
她宝宝坐在她大腿上，坐在门廊外， her little baby on her lap out on the stoop.
我经过她们。 I'm walking by.
我说，“你好吗？” I say, "how you doing?"
“你好吗？你好吗？” "how you doing? How you doing?"
她转向她的小宝宝说， She turned to her baby and said,
“你长大了要是象那样我他妈就宰了你”。 "You grow up like that and I'll fucking kill you."
有一种深深的， There was a thick,
深深的恐惧 thick fear
在空气中。 in the air.
有一种病态的、腐烂的 There was a feeling of sickness, corruption...
种族仇恨的感觉。 of racial hatred.
但费城对于艺术创作来说真是太完美了。 But Philadelphia was just perfect to spark things.
学生们都很棒， And the students were great,
他们是匠人。 and they were workers.
我们有一帮志同道合的人， And we had a kind of camaraderie,
那就像是艺术生活，呃，艺术精神生生不息 and it was like the art life, uh, the art spirit was alive and well.
费城是我的艺术生涯开始的地方... Philadelphia was what started...
一个开始，呃... started, uh...
这对我来说太好了。 It was so good for me.
非常、非常好。 Really, really good.
尽管我活在恐惧中， Even though I lived in fear,
我有着某种，嗯... I've kind of, um, uh...
就是... It was...
颤栗... thrilling...
去过我的艺术生活，那个时候在费城。 to live the art life in Philadelphia at that time.
我... I...
有个类似小隔间的地方 had some kind of a cubicle set up
就在学院的油画工作室里。 in this painting studio at the academy.
当我走进我的小隔间， And when I went into my little cubicle,
那就会非常私密。 it was very private.
四周还会有像那样的其他小隔间。 And there were other cubicles like that around.
但是大家能在私密的地方工作。 But people could work in privacy.
我画了一幅油画， And I was painting a painting
大概四英尺见方。 about four-foot square.
它几乎是黑色的， And it was mostly black,
但有一些绿色植物和树叶 but it had some green plant and leaves
从黑色里显出来。 coming out of the black.
我静静坐在那里，也许抽了支烟，看着它。 And I was sitting back, probably taking a smoke and looking at it.
从那幅画里， And from the painting
我听到了风声。 I heard a wind.
绿色开始流动。 And the green started moving.
于是我想，“哦！ And I thought, "Oh!
一幅流动的画，但带着声音”。 A moving painting, but with sound."
那个想法直插我的内心。 And that idea stuck in my head.
一幅流动的画。 A moving painting.
一个晚上... One night...
我遇到个停尸房的守夜人。 I met the man who was the night man at the morgue
在波普餐厅， at Pop's Diner,
我说，“我很想去那儿... and I said, "I sure would like to come over there and...
去，呃，去看看... and, uh, see...
而他说，“去前告诉我一声”。 And he said, "Let me know."
呃，知道么，““告诉我一声””。 Uh, you know, "Let me know."
于是我去了那儿，午夜时分，钟声敲响。 And so I went across over there, midnight, rang the bell.
那个人让我进去了。 This guy lets me in.
在前面是某种就像，呃... In the front was a kind of like, uh...
铺着一些方形地砖， had, like, those square tiles,
绿色带点白色， green and kinda white,
那儿有一台自动售烟机，一台可乐机。 and it had a cigarette machine, a Coke machine,
几个沙发和一张桌子。 some couches and a desk.
因此那前面有点像一间接待室 So it was kind of like a lobby room in the front.
接着是这个大门，带有玻璃窗格， Then there was this big door with a glass pane in it and wire in the glass,
一个门把手，黄铜之类的门把手。 and a doorknob, a brass doorknob or something.
你推开门，进入走廊， You open up that, go down this corridor,
现在你就进来了，后面的房间是他们做那些事的地方。 and now you're in, you know, the back room where they do everything.
但没人在工作，因为是夜里。 But nobody was working 'cause it's night.
我走进冷藏室，然后，知道么， And I went into the cold room and, you know
他关上我身后的门。 He closed the door behind me.
嗯，我就在那坐着，差不多坐在地板上， And, um, so I'm in there sitting, uh, kind of on the floor
那里有一些人，看起来像，睡在床上。 and there's these, like, bunk beds.
所有这些人都死了， All these people dead
你知道，尸体围绕着我， you know, bodies all around me,
嗯，我差不多只是坐在那儿 and, um, I just sort of sat there
并且，呃，感受着。 and, uh, felt it.
那是... It was...
很奇怪的感觉。 It was strange.
然后我就回家了。 And then I went home.
让你神往的是，你想知道每一个人的故事。 The thing that gets you is that you wonder the story of each one.
你想知道这故事。 You wonder the story.
他们是谁，他们做过什么，他们怎么来到这里。 Who they were, what they did, how they got there.
让你陷入沉思。 Just makes you think.
而... And...
让你神游在故事里。 it makes you think of stories.
这是1967年... This was 1967...
我住在 and I was living
阿斯彭街2429号。 at 2429 Aspen Street.
佩吉那个时候， Peggy had, at that time,
差不多也搬来2429号。 sort of started moving in to 2429.
我接到个电话， And I get a call
我爸将要出差， that my father had to make a trip
从加利福尼亚到华盛顿特区之类地方， from California out to, say, DC or something,
他想要来费城看看我。 and he would like to come up and visit, uh, in Philadelphia.
所以我说，“哦，上帝啊”。 So I said, "Oh, my God."
我不得不做些安排。 I had to make arrangements.
佩吉不得不搬出去。 Peggy had to move out.
呃，不是搬出去，只是不再那儿了。 Uh, not move out, but not be there.
而... And...
我接到我爸爸，并把他带回阿斯彭街2429号， I picked up my dad and brought him back to 2429 Aspen Street
于是我们待了一会。 and we had a visit.
在他到访即将结束的时候我说， And just near the end of the visit I said,
“我想给你看些东西”。 "Oh, I gotta show you some stuff."
啊，我带他到地下室， And, uh, I took him down to the basement,
那里，差不多是， which was, like,
泥土地面，非常旧。 earthen floor, really old.
蜘蛛网之类的东西遍布天花板。 Cobwebs and stuff all around the ceiling level.
还有很脏的地下室窗户。 And dirty basement windows.
但我放置了这些小桌子， But I'd set up these little tables,
小小的，像个平台，用木头之类做的。 little, like, platforms out of wood and stuff,
我在那做所有这些试验。 and I had all these experiments going.
比如，我想看看水果经过一个较长时期会怎样， Like, I wanted to see what fruit would do after a long period
水果的不同阶段以及它是怎样腐烂的。 different stages of fruit and how it would decay.
我有一些死鸟，我有塑料包着的老鼠， And I had some dead birds and I had my mouse in plastic
我还有，你知道，一大堆我收集的东西。 and I had, you know, a bunch of stuff I'd collected.
所以我想把这些跟我爸分享。 So I wanted to share this with my father.
所以我带他去地下室。 So I took him down to the basement.
光线非常昏暗。 And it's pretty dim light.
看着我这些东西，我和他一起共同分享，不是吗？ And looking at these things I'm sharing with him, right?
他看着那些东西。 And he's looking at them.
接着我们返回上面， So then we went back up,
我们在楼梯上，我走在他前面， and we were on the stairway, and I was ahead of him,
我微笑起来，呃，对我自己。 and I was smiling, uh, to myself.
他来看这些东西简直太好了。 It was great that he got to see this.
我差不多带着微笑转身。 And I kind of turned with a smile.
当我们上楼梯的时候我转身朝向他， As we were going up the stairs I turned back toward him,
我看到我爸脸上那种痛苦的表情。 and I see this pained expression on my father's face,
他把它对我掩藏起来。 which he was hiding from me.
然后我回到卡车上， Then I got back in the truck
我们开车去火车站。 and we were driving back to the, uh, railroad station,
那是在卡车里， and it was in that truck
开去车站的时候， driving back, uh, to the station
他对我说，“大卫？” that he said to me, "Dave?"
我说，“嗯？” I said, "Yeah?"
“我觉得你永远不该有小孩”。 "I don't think you should ever have children."
他为我感到担心。 He was worried about me.
但在我内心，我觉得没什么可担心的。 But inside me I felt there was nothing to worry about.
不过我仍然理解他为什么要那么说。 But I still understood why he said it.
他误解，嗯，误解我的试验， He misunderstood, um, my experiments
因为，嗯... for, um...
某种，呃... some kind of, uh...
类似，恶魔般的，你知道， like, diabolical, you know,
那种需要心理救助的人， man who needs serious help,
在智力上和心理上可能都需要。 mentally and probably emotionally.
这里面讽刺的是， The ironic part of this is,
我和我爸都不知道， unbeknownst to me and my father,
佩吉，就在那时候，怀孕了。 Peggy, at that very moment, was pregnant.
所以，呃，那是... So, uh, that...
那是很有趣的。 that's... uh, interesting.
我开始做一个... I started doing a...
某种分画面的... kind of a split-screen...
装置作品， thing,
那就是玛丽·费斯克 and it was gonna be Mary Fisk
在三分之一的屏幕上跳舞， dancing on one-third of the screen
而... and...
另外三分之二的屏幕是某种动画。 on the other two-thirds an animated thing.
所以我花了两个月时间画那些动画。 So I animated that thing for two months.
我的摄影机里有一百英尺的胶片。 And I had a hundred feet of film in the camera.
我不知道从技术上我到底做了什么， And I didn't know technically what I was doing really,
但我从摄影机里拿出这一百尺胶卷， but I took the hundred-foot roll out of the camera,
拿到实验室， took it to the lab,
过了一些天我拿了回来。 and a couple of days later I got it back.
我站在门口， And I was standing in the doorway
因为我打开了门，所以我能让阳光照进来， 'cause I opened the door so I could get sunlight and just
我想检查一下开头一部分， I just wanted to check the first part, make sure everything was okay.
所以我往外拉，有很多胶卷在里面。我拽出一些。 So I unspool, there's a lot of liter on it. You know, and I unspool some more.
而我在上面找不到任何东西。我又拽出一些。 And I can't find anything. I unspool some more.
我突然意识到， And it dawns on me
这整卷底片都是模糊的。 that this entire roll of negative is a blur.
而佩吉... And Peggy...
她的回忆是我当时心烦意乱。 Her recollection is that I was really upset.
但奇怪的是... But... in a strange way...
我没那么心烦因为... I wasn't that upset because...
我肯定找到了某个想法来获得更多的东西。 I must have been getting an idea for something more.
我想把真人电影和动画做到一起。 And I wanted to do live action and animation both.
那就是我制作《字母表》（大卫·林奇早期实验短片）时发生的事。 That's when I made The Alphabet.
因此，意外或摧毁某些东西 So, accidents or destroying something
能够产生某些好的东西。 can lead to something good.
那能够产生某些好的东西。 It can lead to something good.
严格控制的东西， Very controlled things,
不是开放的... not being open to...
你知道，就像... You know, just like being...
就像这些边界，它们只会给你惹麻烦。 like these boundaries, they just screw you.
你有时不得不制造巨大的混乱 And you have to sometimes make a huge mess
和巨大的错误 and make big mistakes
来找到那些东西， to find that thing
你一直寻找的那些东西。 that you're looking for.
就在《字母表》完成之后， Right after The Alphabet was finished,
就在那之后， right after it was finished,
我们那时一定移居到了波普拉街2416。 we must have moved up to 2416 Poplar Street.
一定搬过去了，然后... It must have been right around then...
我们需要钱。 that we needed money.
而... And...
我在餐厅锯木头。 I was sawing wood in the dining room.
那就像... And it was like...
知道么，自由的芬芳 You know, the sweetness of freedom
占据了这里。 was just going.
但我爱锯木头。 But I loved sawing that wood.
那是我最后的自由的夜晚。 It was my last free night.
接着我就开始上班。 And then I started this job.
我去那儿，你知道，一周五天。 And I'd go there, you know, five days a week.
当我给罗杰·拉贝罗干印刷活的时候， When I was printing for Rodger LaPelle,
詹妮弗只有，好像，两个或三个或四个月大。 Jennifer was, like, two or three or four months old.
我向美国电影学会 I had applied for a grant
申请了一笔拨款， to the American Film Institute,
一笔独立电影制作人的拨款。 an independent filmmakers grant.
第一组获奖者宣布了。 The winners of the first group were announced.
当我看获奖者名单时， And when I read the names of the winners,
我知道我不会赢， I knew I wouldn't win,
因为他们都是很有来头的地下电影制作人。 'cause they were all really well-established underground filmmakers.
所以，他们有自己的简历和那么多作品， So, and they had their bios and all the stuff with them,
所以我都快放弃了。我的意思是，我并未真的放弃。 so I just gave up. I mean, I didn't really give up.
我只是说，“这他妈根本没门”。 I just said, "There's no fucking way."
所以我得去干印刷活， So I would go to work printing,
而费城，你知道，像是已经... and Philadelphia, you know, was, like, already...
吞噬了你的快乐， just suck your happiness away
嗯，然后用悲伤和恐惧填满你。 and, um, fill you with a sadness and a fear.
因此，你知道，我根本没有时间去画画。 So, you know, I didn't have any time, really, to paint.
但罗杰会给我25美元， But Rodger would give me $25
星期六出来画画， to come out on Saturday and paint,
然后支付我做印刷工的薪水。 and then paid me for printing.
那让我们得以维持生计。 And that's what kept us afloat.
一天，几个月以后， One day, a few months later,
我告诉佩吉，“如果有任何激动人心的事发生打电话给我”， I said to Peggy, "call me if anything exciting happens.
“如果有什么激动人心的事发生我也会打电话给你”。 I'll call you if anything exciting happens."
然后我离开去干印刷活。 And I headed out to print.
那天... That day...
我想首先是佩吉接到一个电话。 First I think Peggy received a phone call.
因为电话响了，罗杰从楼上下来， Because the phone rang and Rodger came downstairs from upstairs
带着某种微笑， sort of smiling
然后说，“有电话找你”。 and said, "The phone is for you."
那是小乔治·史蒂文斯和托尼·维兰尼在线上， And it was George Stevens Jr. and Tony Vellani on the line,
他们说，“大卫，我们...” and they said, "David, we're..."
大概是说，“我们非常高兴的告诉你， Something like, "we're very happy to tell you
你赢得了一笔 that you have won a grant
来自美国电影学会的拨款”。 from the American Film Institute."
知道吗... And, you know...
那简直是... It just...
改变整个生活的一通电话。 Total life-changing phone call.
在屋子里， In the house,
我差不多着手开始布置。 I kind of had started to have a setup.
当我开始制作电影，我就在这里用 And when I made the film, I had all these rooms
所有这些房间来拍摄。 to shoot the film right there.
我只用了很少一点外景。 I only had a couple of scenes outside.
这真是... It was just...
这真是太完美了。 It was just perfect.
托尼·维兰尼坐火车来费城， Tony Vellani came up to Philadelphia on the train
我们一起拍摄了《外祖母》。 and we filmed The Grandmother.
托尼开心死了。 Tony flipped out.
我开车送他去火车站， I drove him back to the train station,
在路上他说， and on the way he said,
“大卫，我觉得你应该 "David, I think you should go
去洛杉矶的高等电影研究中心”。 to the Center for Advanced Film Studies in Los Angeles."
好吧... Well...
我乐得要死，几乎升上天堂， I almost died and went to heaven,
因为他告诉我的这些话。 just him telling me that.
我看过这个中心的小册子， I'd seen this booklet of the mansion
所有的东西那里面都有， and all the stuff going on there,
我只是看着这个小册子， and I would just look at this booklet
梦想着这个地方， and dream about this place,
现在有个人告诉我，你知道吗， and here is somebody telling me, you know,
很可能他要帮我到那儿去。 basically he's gonna help me get there.
你要一个圆蛋糕吗？ You want a round cake?
一个圆蛋糕。好的。 - A round cake. - Okay.
你能打个点吗？ Can you make a dot?
一个带蜡烛的蛋糕。 A cake with a candle.
带蜡烛的蛋糕。 Cake with a candle.
热狗！ Hot dog!
小朋友们在这儿。 Here are the babies here.
小朋友在这儿。 There are the babies.
这是给小朋友们的蛋糕。 And there's the cookies for the babies.
小蛋糕。 Little tiny cookies.
小小的，美味的。 Little tiny. Yum.
我想... I thought...
我结婚的时候说，好吧，就是这样了。 When I got married I said, okay, that's it.
就是这样。 That's it.
某种程度上，你的生活结束了。 In some way, your life is over.
但... But...
这也确实是发生我身上最好的事情。 it was actually the best thing that could've happened to me.
因为，你知道， Because, you know,
有确定的事情出现了， there are certain things that come along
那把你小天地中弄出去。 that get you off the dime.
你知道我意思吧？ You know what I mean?
而... And...
我不再考虑我要去哪儿，如果不在费城的话， I didn't think of where I would go if I wasn't in Philly,
但看起来似乎我肯定会在那儿。 but it seemed like I was gonna be there.
因为站起来四处走动... 'Cause to get up and move...
我有那幢巨大的房子。 I had that huge house. It was such a setup.
但我不知道...我根本算不得悲惨。 But I didn't know.. It wasn't that I was miserable at all
只是，嗯... It's just, um...
那就...像是... It seemed... like...
不，我并不悲惨... No, I wasn't miserable...
只是... It just...
我不知道会发生什么，如果我没有拿到这笔拨款。 I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't gotten that grant.
我真的不知道。 I really don't.
所以当我们驾车出发，我们去，嗯... So when we drove out, we went, um, to...
朝着夕阳，在圣文森特向左转， down Sunset and turned left on San Vicente,
停下大卡车， parked the big truck,
第二天早晨就是 and the next morning was that first morning
我感受到加州阳光的第一个早晨。 I experienced California sunshine.
不真实。 Unreal.
我站在街上，抬头看着太阳。 I just stood in the street and looked up at the sun.
真是难以置信。 It was unbelievable.
那就像是有某种东西... And it was a kind of a thing where...
驱散 it was pulling, uh,
我心中的恐惧。 fear out of me.
想象一下从费城和那个世界 You know, imagine coming from Philadelphia and that world
来到洛杉矶， out to LA
给你看 and being shown
你要去上学的地方， where you're gonna go to school
一幢坐落在山顶的有着55个房间的大厦， a 55-room mansion on the top of a hill
在贝弗利山最好的位置。 in the best part of Beverly Hills.
那些马厩给了我。 And the stables were given to me.
似乎没有其他什么人想要它们。 And it wasn't like anybody else even wanted them, you know.
那些马厩就空在那儿， It was just they were sitting there,
我可以使用它们。 and I was able to get them.
真是难以置信。 It's just unbelievable.
那是多么好的礼物。 What a gift that was.
难以置信。 Unbelievable.
四年期间我拥有这些马厩。 For four years I had those stables.
能够在那儿搭建，在那儿吃住。 And able to build down there, live down there, eat down there.
真是不可思议。 It was incredible.
走。 Go.
继续演，弗雷德。 Play it, Fred.
走。 Go.
我真是爱死那种氛围。 I just love being in that mood.
有时我会在夜晚坐在摄影棚里。 Sometimes I would sit on the sets at night.
我会工作或做点什么， I'd be working or something,
我能想象出一个完整的外部世界， and I could imagine a whole world outside
它并不存在， that doesn't exist.
但真的会是那样一个世界。 But it really would be such a world.
环绕着我的是工厂区， Around me was the factory neighborhood,
我会想象它， and I would imagine it,
它是那么真实。 and it was so real.
有时天空下起雨， And sometimes it would rain,
我听着这雨声， and I'd hear this rain,
在这间屋子里， and I'd be in this room,
我知道外面的街道会是什么样子，还有那些小餐馆。 and I knew what the streets were like out there, and the diners.
天很黑， It was really dark
烟雾弥漫， and filled with smoke
高大的工厂， and big factories,
巨大的烟囱， huge smokestacks,
烟与火以及钢铁。 fire and smoke and steel.
而那些家里有着小桌巾和软包椅子， And these homes with little doilies and stuffed chairs.
屋里很热， And hot inside,
管道有点漏水，以及所有这些东西。 and pipes kind of leaking, and all these things.
我和佩吉离婚了， I was divorced from Peggy
住在马厩里， and living at the stables,
我哥当时正在里弗赛得外出访问， and my brother was visiting out in Riverside.
我哥和我爸想要和我谈谈。 And my brother and my father wanted to talk to me.
我坐下来。 I sit down.
我记得起居室里很黑。 I remember it was dark in the living room.
然后这个事情就是， Then the whole thing was,
“放弃这部电影， "Give up this film
找个工作， and get a job,
因为你有个孩子，而... because your... you got a child, and
电影不可能做得出来， this film isn't getting made,
你在浪费你的时间”。 and you're wasting your time."
诸如此类。 This kind of thing.
这让我... And it got me...
这让我感到深深、深深的困扰。 It got me really in a deep, deep way.
因为他们不理解我， 'Cause they didn't understand
我也不会相信他们对我说的那些。 and I just couldn't believe it, what they were saying to me.
他们全都非常严肃。 And they were totally serious.
因此我离开那儿回去， And so I left there and I went back,
我姐姐在卧室里， and my sister was in the back bedroom,
我开始哭泣。 and I started crying.
但，嗯，那是... But, um, it was...
那是在那些事情当中... it was just one of those things...
某种... where, um,
我不可能去做的事。 there was no way I was gonna do that.
明白吗，我想要做的是... See, what I wanna do is have the...
主要是注视着亨利的脸...（亨利是大卫·林奇第一部公映的电影《橡皮头》主角的名字） mainly the look on Henry's face... You know...
那么真实。我感觉他就在这儿。 It's so real. I feel like he's here.
但不管怎么说，呃... But anyway, um, uh...
注视亨利的脸是当他准备要切割的时候，你知道，肢解。（在电影《橡皮头》中亨利肢解了自己的儿子） The look on Henry's face just when he's getting ready to cut. You know, the big cut.
《橡皮头》， Eraserhead,
对于我，是我在电影当中获得的， to me, was one of my greatest,
最好、最快乐的体验之一。 happiest experiences in cinema.
而我喜欢这部电影的地方在于， And what I loved about it was the world
使这个世界成为我自己的小小角落， and having it be my own little place
在那里我可以建造一切，以我真正想要的方式来达到它， where I could build everything and get it exactly the way I wanted it
而且几乎不花什么钱。 for hardly any money.
只是费些时间。 It just took time.
只是，呃，那么美。 It just, uh, was so beautiful.
关于它所有的一切。 Everything about it.
所有的一切。 Everything about it.